How to entertain our elders

Here's what I've learned and why it's worth the trouble

Maybe it’s your grandparents. Or your parents. Or even your friends. Sooner or later you’ll find yourself entertaining people who are “getting on.” They have the potential to impart wisdom we don’t have, share experiences we can only dream of, and provide perspective to see things in a new way.

There’s a good chance they have done things that are unthinkable today. They have had fun in ways we can’t even imagine. Time spent with them will likely be unforgettable.

And yes, they are more troublesome and finicky. It’s easy to put it off.

On my list of lifelong regrets, my failure to nurture and fully discover these fleeting relationships is right up there.

You know that their criteria for an enjoyable evening is different from yours. But don’t let that stop you. Times a wastin. These guidelines are a starting point. And yes, I’m generalizing. These may not be accurate for everyone, but this will put you on the right track.

Start early.

Ask your guests when they like to start their evening, and don’t be surprised if it is 6:00. Or earlier. We have friends who make 5:00 dinner reservations and are happy to be home by 7:00. Let them set the schedule and be ready to accomodate.

Turn the music way down.

Hearing difficulties are definitely a thing for people of all ages. If you’re lucky, your older friends will have hearing aids that work. It’s definitely not beneficial to have a strong bass rhythm throbbing in the background. For some guests, even soft background music just registers as interference.

Make sure your home is accessible.

If your guests are not 100% nimble on their feet, then plan their entry and exit before even thinking about inviting them. Stairs or steps without a handrail are usually a hard no unless you’ll be there to ensure they navigate them successfully. It’s always a nice touch to walk them to their car when they leave. They always resist help. Just insist. It keeps them safe and shows that you care for them.

Keep them seated comfortably.

Your guests beyond a certain age will probably not enjoy standing up with a cocktail for more than five minutes. Before they arrive, work out where they will sit for drinks and clear a path so it’s easy for them to get there. Make sure their seats are comfortable (no backless hard benches and no low seating that’s hard to stand up from.) When it is time to move to the dining table, allow 5 minutes for them to get resituated. I suggest serving meals plated (vs. buffet) to avoid requiring them to carry plates to the table.

Know their tastes.

Many of our older friends have developed strong preferences. One friend HATES frisee. Another will not eat shellfish. Another is diabetic. Some want their beef “blue” while others will only eat it well done. Etc.! This creates serious limitations to work around. But there are menus that are generally acceptable for most people with strong preferences.

I generally avoid things that require the rigorous use of a steak knife, such as thick steaks on a bone. (These can be presented pre-sliced so they’re much easier to deal with.) Experience has taught me to also avoid dishes with strong black pepper, raw onion or spicey spice. Also boney fish and big messy burger-type things. Or bowls of long stringy pasta.

Prepare food ahead of time.

Your senior guests probably won’t enjoy standing in the kitchen while you stir risotto. Work out a menu that requires minimal last minute cooking, and can be popped on the table without missing a beat.

Serve small portions.

This is the very opposite of feeding people in their 20’s who want LOTS of food. Think about making very small beautiful tastes of things that they can enjoy without any expectation that they must be stuffed from the experience. For instance, a single peeled roasted tomato with a pinch of sugar and flakey salt, some good olive oil, and a single basil leaf is a perfect treat sitting next to a small piece of beautifully prepared fish (in yummy sauce) nestled in about 1/3 cup of flavored rice alongside 4 small asparagus tips.

Have conversation prompts in mind.

Some guests no longer speak up like they used to. They may have a hard time hearing. Their voices are softer. They no longer jump into the conversation. It helps to have some questions queued up to engage them and allow them to shine, have fun and enlighten the group. I’ve found that asking about something they are proud of from their past is all it takes to light them up. Then tease out the good stuff and have a wonderful time asking questions. When it’s good, it’s very very good.

Seize the moment.

Nothing lasts forever.

If you’d like a good menu that fits the criteria above, let me know. I can post that, too, if it would be useful.

Your friend,

Yvonne

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